Why that was probably my last (American) football game

[Before we begin I just want to say: That was totally holding.]

I came back from India in the summer of 2009 and discovered I really liked American football. I had never been REALLY into football before. I was an unremarkable bench-warmer in middle school. I mean I knew the rules and everything. I had my childhood appointed team–Go Vikes!

But when I came back, something about it seemed more interesting. I mean I was getting up earlier to watch ESPN sports talk television for heaven’s sake. My mom even commented on it “were you ever this interested in it before?” No. No I was not.

I really don’t know what it was. Maybe it was because I could see the game as a system now. Could recognize the complexity, head-game part of it. You know, nerd stuff.

But like everyone else I’ve taken note as the noise level raised around safety, head injuries, etc.

I watched a guy get speared by Harrison last season and go stiff. I had a nightmare when I was young that I saw a man seize and die on TV having been struck in a football game. It is only a matter of time. But it was his (and others) reaction, all pouty and “waddya expect with this game?” attitude. Clearly the fines haven’t changed it. They don’t even know what to do any more. You get two steps? Did his helmet hit him? Or his shoulder? More significantly there is an ingrained culture of violence which bleeds over to fans. (Why else am I standing up screaming at the television “Get him! GET HIM!”).

I was trying to remember if it was always like this. I do remember chuckling that Troy Aikman was “concussion boy.” But post-Junior Seau, it’s just not funny.

The response of “we’re gladiators . . . we know what we’re getting into” from players themselves is simply disgusting. It is also may not be true. If we are back to (an albeit warmer, fuzzier version of) the Colosseum we are headed in the wrong direction historically.

I’m glad it was a close game. The Harbaughs seem like good people. But the culture around the whole thing is debauched.

The power outage only reminds us that we are consuming incredible amounts of energy for a game, with money that can’t–for some reason that remains inexplicable–be used to feed, house, and protect.

It’s still a cesspool of everything that is wrong with patriarchy. THAT AUDI commercial! Dear God! That was basically sexual assault (“Nah, nah dude! She LIKED it!” SHUT up. Just. Shut. Up.) followed by physical assault–because women are objects to be fought for–all under the rubric of “bravery.” Seriously. Screw you, Audi. I almost left BMW for you . . .

Of course Beyoncé. I’m glad for her and Jay and all. May they find true happiness with the baby and everything. But I probably should have left after the Timberlake/Jackson fiasco.

And don’t get me started on the weird cult-like conflation of football, nationalism, and militarism as our corporate civil religion.

I’m assured the game doesn’t need to be vicious necessarily. Perhaps it will revert to some level of finesse, a beautiful-game of sorts. Kaepernick, if nothing else, gives us some hope of that.

But until then. Goodbye NFL. I’m going to be getting up early to catch the Barclay’s league or whomever. Or maybe I’ll work on my Spanish over at Fox Deportes.